You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
