Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
