i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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