Umm I'm too high to move.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
