i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize