and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
