I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you had me at cake vodka
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
