I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
