You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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