the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
