Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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