Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
