Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
