its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
