WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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