never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
