why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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