I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
