My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
