3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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