In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
