She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
