I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
