So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i've created a new STD.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You ruined the universe
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
