Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
