I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
