I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
