Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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