Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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