I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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