I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So apparently I’m into choking now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
