I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
