Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
