youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
