Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
