she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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