i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
