The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
