the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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