I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
