well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize