Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
