His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
