I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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