Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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