I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
