good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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