I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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