I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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