I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize