I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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