I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
