I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
