strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
