Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
