well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
