I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
