they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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