It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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