Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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