A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
