So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
