Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize