I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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