Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
