I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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