I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
