Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
