This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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