these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
