Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
