My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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