At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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