This house was built for laser tag.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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